All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.It read:Dear God,How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.By the way, there was $4 missing.I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.Sincerely, EdnaThis is a story from Pat and his dinner date ... Now you know why he doesn't have a girlfriendMRE Dinner DateI had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY, definitely had never eaten before. I got out my trusty case of MRE's. (Meal, Ready-to-Eat) Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories in each meal.Here's what I made: I took three of the Ham Slices out of. Suddenly he heard shouting behind him and turned to see police running in through the door. "Freeze Tim Matheson, you're under arrest!" Tim bolted away! He ran knocking down display's and people. The police were in hot pursuit! "Fuck!" He could see more coming from ahead of him. He was surrounded! He grabbed a woman by the throat and pulled out a knife and threatened to slit her throat if the came any closer. The police formed a circle around him. "Put the knife DOWN Tim, its over! We know you're the kidnapper we have been looking for! Let the girl go and nobody will get hurt." Get away from me you fuckin pigs?..I swear I'll cut her throat!" Tim screamed, his eyes white with terror. Detective Sylvia Thompson could see the crazed look in his eyes and when she had an opening she took her shot hitting him in the head. Tim was rushed to the hospital and it was presumed he would not live long. The police searched his van and were shocked to find evidence of another more recent victim..
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